My presence in the present

Today as a day I repent a lot. My dreams and hopes are snatched away. I think alot about what went wrong and see myself standing amidst chaos. If only had I planned my efforts more efficiently.
I cease to believe that it was my hardluck.Luck, I think, is omnipresent as well as neverpresent.
"Nothing is true and nothing is false", this is the best to describe as to what I am feeling. Throughout the year, "as the day rose, I rose with my dreams and conviction behind them, but my purpose wasn't fixed, I didn't write down a specific goal, and hence the conviction faded as the day went to sleep."
If only I had had planned my destination. I pushed myself hard devoid of any direction. I look back and say if only had I instilled a sense of control with respect to time.
I see my eyes today and feel they don't want to be a part of me. I see my soul today and I don't savor it, I see it hollow.
Pain is so obscure, so undermining but pain is so pure. I feel "pain trickles" running through my body.I don't experience it but I feel it.
I have to fid hope and desire from here. I feel I have the ability to succeed. I tried to go through the least trodden path to find my inner pleasure and the treasure within me. I did walk on that path but in the opposite direction and I have ended up digging out pain and displeasure.
May be this is the impetus that I need, may be this might lead me to my burning desire, which I hope becomes my fulcrum. Maybe this paib will rekindle my spirit and awaken my soul. I am waiting for that one sparkiling moment which will transform the way I think.
Now, I get up under my eyelids and feel why should I move them. Do I deserve to be present. Do I deserve to be felt. Do I deserve to be happy. Do I deserve to be sad. Do I deserve what I am going through. Did I deserve what I went through.
But I would like to thank God for the belief that I deserve to go through what I am going to go through.
If only could have I written this piece in a better way.

There was so much I wanted to achieve.

There is so much I want to achieve.

The thing which is gonna remain common is ME.

It's me who is gonna execute them.

All that I need is a winning attitudefrom hereon.

I request god to give me the belief to accomplish my dreams.

I believe I have the potential and the only thing

I need is the belief in my purpose.

My inspiring literature

When you are inspired by some great purpose,

some extra-ordinary project,

all of your thoughts break their bonds,

your mind transcends limitations,

your consciousness expands in every direction and

you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.

Dormant forces, faculties and talents

become alive and you discover yourself

to be a greater person than

you ever dreamed yourself to be.